As I write this post I am nearing my 37th week of pregnancy, and I have to say I'm still feeling great! As much as I cannot wait to see our little miracle, I am trying to stay present and enjoy life, even the mundane day to day aspects of it. It's a surreal feeling to know that very soon life as I know it will change forever. I welcome that change, but its always crazy to try and anticipate something for which you have no point of refrence. One chapter closing, and a new one to begin...
That being said, here are some things I want to focus on in these last weeks:
When I think about how much of a blessing this pregnancy has been from conception until now, I am filled with such an overwhelming sense gratitude. I know that we were extremely blessed to have made the decision to start trying, and then get pregnant within a matter of two months. I am grateful to share this opportunity with my best friend (my husband Kris) right by my side. At times I think he has been even more emotional and excited than I have been, and it is a infectious energy for which I am so happy to have around me. I am grateful for health and really no problems to speak of all 9 months through. I am truly convinced that eating a well balanced Vegan diet has made a significant impact on my pregnancy symptoms for the better. I am grateful for what has become our nightly ritual of talking to our baby through the belly, feeling his little kicks, rolls, and hiccups too. Most importantly, we may not have a lot to speak of when it comes to worldly measures of "success" and "finances" but we are rich in ways that when I am old and look back on this time, I will be able to say we lived a truly blessed life.
This may be too deep of an introspection, but these final weeks really have me thinking about what my purpose in this life has been, and what it will become. For the first part of my life I lived for myself, what I wanted, the goals and dreams I wanted to accomplish. I believe there is nothing wrong with setting goals and achieving them, I'm a huge goal setter and goal getter. Thankfully, I have been able to live out my childhood dream of performing on stages all over the world, I have seen so many places in my life and time. Yet, now, I welcome a new shift of paradigm. As I have a human growing, and living inside of me, I feel a deeper sense of purpose and responsiblity than I ever have before. A dependence of someone who will truly need me to be my absolute best for the rest of my life, and I want with all my heart to rise to that occasion.
I never would have thought I would be okay with weighing what I do today, and let's be honest I will probably still put on a few more pounds before we both make it to the other side! I have learned to accept with gladness that my thighs rub against each other with every step I take, that I have cellulite in places I have never seen before, that walking by a mirror my shape can take me by surprise. But the truth is, I am growing a human inside of my body, and he is taking what he needs to be healthy and ready for his new life outside of my body. I am grateful for skin that stretches, muscles that spread and contract, a body that was made for just this moment. And somehow, my husband tells me DAILY that I am the most beautiful he has ever seen me, and after nine months of hearing that, I am starting to believe it.
4. STRETCHING & BREATHING
Deeply inside, I feel such a primal need to stretch and breathe deeply. Being a professional Singer/Dancer/Actor, breath has always been extremely integral to these disciplines. Knowing the timing of breath in a phrase, or when to release energy and when to take it in makes a huge impact on everything I have ever done on stage. And as I come to the precipice of this next performance, I feel an overwhelming sense of the importance of breath, stretch, flexibility of mind and body like never before. As I have basically stopped all methods of exercise that I was doing before, week by week learning of a new thing that my body really couldn't do gracefully anymore, stretching and breathing are still things I CAN do daily, and I am making a practice of doing just that. Deeply breathing through about an hour of stretching each morning has really helped my center of balance in this new body, and given me a sense of control and readiness that I believe will help me through labor and birth. In fact, I like the way it is making me feel so much, that I almost think I may just do yoga and walk for exercise once I have had my baby and it is safe to resume activity. There is such a relaxing, yet satisfying energy in the body after using one's own body weight for resistance, lengthening, and oxygenating the muscles.
So there you have it, these are the things I simply WANT to focus on in these remaining weeks. Yes, there are things that need to be done, and tasks I cannot ignore, but when you strip it down these are what are truly important to me at this time. Soon I will do my last pregnancy update on my youtube channel and I will go into more detail on the "what's" and "to dos" that I will need to accomplish before I go into labor, so stay tuned for that.
BUT.. while I am on the emotional side, I just want to say thank you to all of you who have made this pregnancy so much sweeter with your lovely comments and well wishing. You have touched my heart, and reinforced my faith in the kindness of strangers. Thank you truly from the bottom of my heart.